It is amazing how one's context can really change the way one views the world. I have always thought that I was somewhat aware of the world around me and the privilege as well as the suffering that exists. However, in my new position, here at the church, I am so much more aware of the privilege I experience and the suffering that is ever present.
My morning was spent trying to organize stuff for the up-coming move into our new condo. We moved out of our house at the end of August. We have been living at our "weekend" place in Dead Man's Flats since then. It is a small condo with two bedrooms and has been our refuge for the last several years. It is 100 km from there to work and we have been doing the trip most days since the end of August. We occasionally stay in the city with a friend who is renting a place while her house is being built. For the past week, we have stayed at her house taking care of her dogs while she was away. It has been frigidly cold for the past week and the roads have been in rough shape outside the city. So, it has been a relief to be able to stay in the city and not make the 200km trip each day.
How many people don't have a place to stay? How many people have to worry about staying warm enough to make it through to the next morning? How many have no choice as to whether they will have a long commute or not? How many have no options? It amazes me that these numbers are large.
As I was driving around the city trying to get things organized, realize that I have a vehicle to drive. Not only that, I have a choice of vehicle. I don't have to try to ride the bus to the airport to pickup a delivery that was not made to the correct address. I don't have to rely on the generosity of others. I do not have to argue with shipping companies about deliveries because I have no option to drive to collect my package.
These are local issues. As I was driving, I listened to some commentary on Darfur. The murder and execution of individuals in Darfur has been going on for many years. Likely, the governments of developed countries could assist in resolving the issues if there was the political and social will. However, Darfur doesn't seem to have anything we want to plunder in order for us to have such a will.
I complain because I want the renovations to be done more quickly. I want to move in and get organized before Christmas. There are people in Darfur, in Canada, in Calgary, and in my neighbourhood who complain because they don't know whether they will live from now until the 25th of December.
What's that about?
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
Tree Decorating
I thought I'd share a few photos of the tree decorating last Friday. We do two different trees each year. It becomes quite a fun social event.
I am told this was one of the more "calm" tree decoratings. I can tell I'm getting old. I have a hard time finding anything "calm," about it. It was fun, but hardly "calm."
I
Sanctuary@Knox
I continue to be excited about the possibilities that are created with this new project. We are aiming our efforts at a group that is not served by any other agency. Though some of the participants may have been involved in other programs, or continue to be involved in other programs, we will be offering the unique one-on-one support for their continued learning. We want to provide opportunities for those individuals between the ages of 16 and 25 to improve their learning skills and pursue any learning they want to pursue with the support of experienced teachers and learners. Where participants have been involved with other programs, we will liaise with them to gather any information they have on learning styles, learning difficulties, strengths, abilities, etc. If they have had various learning assessments, we can use that information to further support our work with them. Where they haven't, we will either do our own informal assessments, or use standardized assessment tools to discover what we need to know to best support the learning.
The pilot will have our learning centre open for three days a week, from 8:30 AM to 4:30 PM. It will have a minimum of one volunteer present for all those hours. The volunteer assists participants in learning whatever they want to learn. In some cases, it will mean only that the participant will have someone there if they have questions or to rely on for support. In other cases, we will help individuals to clarify what they want to learn and work with them to establish a plan for learning.
We will have access to various assistive technologies:
The research behind this project comes from my own doctoral studies exploring how various technologies support literacy development in 1st and 2nd languages. We discovered that technology has developed to a point where it can be used as a tool for those who have difficulties with one particular style of learning to easily access other forms of expression. For the non-reader, this means that they can access information, process it, learn from it, and use it to share with others from their own particular point of view. Traditionally, schools have operated out of necessity using mainly print-based information sources. Assistive technologies allow the non-reader to access information from print-based sources. However, we also honour individual strengths in other media and encourage individuals to get information from whatever sources they find and to use it. They can also use various media as an expressive or sharing format. I can provide anyone with many more details and more information if one wants it. I know that this is my passion, so I tend to go off the deep end.
We plan to set up our own network so that there is no potential hazard to the church's network and server. We will have our own server as well.
Unfortunately, there are costs to the upgrades. We need approximately $6,000.00 to upgrade the memory of the computers, establish the network, and buy the software.
If anyone reading this wishes to make a contribution to the Snactuary@Knox project, they can do so by sending a cheque payable to "Knox United Church" to:
Sanctuary@Knox
506 Fourth Street S. W.
Calgary, Alberta
T2P 1S7
If you mark "Sanctuary@Knox" on the memo part of the cheque, it will go into the designated fund and receive a charitable donation tax receipt.
The pilot will have our learning centre open for three days a week, from 8:30 AM to 4:30 PM. It will have a minimum of one volunteer present for all those hours. The volunteer assists participants in learning whatever they want to learn. In some cases, it will mean only that the participant will have someone there if they have questions or to rely on for support. In other cases, we will help individuals to clarify what they want to learn and work with them to establish a plan for learning.
We will have access to various assistive technologies:
- speech-to-text software
- text to speech software
- on-screen dictionaries
- rebus composition software
- up to date Office Suite
- graphic organizers
- presentation software
- internet access
The research behind this project comes from my own doctoral studies exploring how various technologies support literacy development in 1st and 2nd languages. We discovered that technology has developed to a point where it can be used as a tool for those who have difficulties with one particular style of learning to easily access other forms of expression. For the non-reader, this means that they can access information, process it, learn from it, and use it to share with others from their own particular point of view. Traditionally, schools have operated out of necessity using mainly print-based information sources. Assistive technologies allow the non-reader to access information from print-based sources. However, we also honour individual strengths in other media and encourage individuals to get information from whatever sources they find and to use it. They can also use various media as an expressive or sharing format. I can provide anyone with many more details and more information if one wants it. I know that this is my passion, so I tend to go off the deep end.
We plan to set up our own network so that there is no potential hazard to the church's network and server. We will have our own server as well.
Unfortunately, there are costs to the upgrades. We need approximately $6,000.00 to upgrade the memory of the computers, establish the network, and buy the software.
If anyone reading this wishes to make a contribution to the Snactuary@Knox project, they can do so by sending a cheque payable to "Knox United Church" to:
Sanctuary@Knox
506 Fourth Street S. W.
Calgary, Alberta
T2P 1S7
If you mark "Sanctuary@Knox" on the memo part of the cheque, it will go into the designated fund and receive a charitable donation tax receipt.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Advent Begins
Even though we have yet to arrive to December, Advent has begun with a flourish! I wish that all flourishes were lovely, but some are not.
The trees go up in the sanctuary today. They get decorated tomorrow evening. Most of the bulletins for December are already printed - they would all be printed if it weren't for me - I seem to be a hurdle. The sanctuary itself has been decorated with wreaths and poinsettias. Advent candle wreath has been unearthed and set up - minus the Christ candle, but someone has taken responsibility to find it and/or get a new one. And I am finding out that there are fewer differences between working in a school and working in a church than I first imagined. Nerves get just as fraught in a church as they do in a school - even without report cards.
As well, the literacy project was approved at the board meeting last week. I am trying to raise $6,000.00 for the software and hardware upgrades; find a source for lunches; get pamphlets designed, printed, and distributed; and generally get organized to be open for the beginning of January.
We do have a name. "Sanctuary@Knox" is what we're calling it. I am hoping that it appeals to those who will eventually come. I'm trying to emphasize the safe aspect of the program as well as acknowledging that we are a church. It also hints that we are a technology rich learning environment. I am pumped, but I am also finding that the details can get a bit cumbersome. All part of the work. The good part of that is the support from the board and many individual members of this community. I helps me get through the maze of technicalities as well as over the hurdles.
There is also a feeling of wonder that this is happening at the same time as we begin a liturgical year. I think I am going to find increasingly that there is meaning in that.
The trees go up in the sanctuary today. They get decorated tomorrow evening. Most of the bulletins for December are already printed - they would all be printed if it weren't for me - I seem to be a hurdle. The sanctuary itself has been decorated with wreaths and poinsettias. Advent candle wreath has been unearthed and set up - minus the Christ candle, but someone has taken responsibility to find it and/or get a new one. And I am finding out that there are fewer differences between working in a school and working in a church than I first imagined. Nerves get just as fraught in a church as they do in a school - even without report cards.
As well, the literacy project was approved at the board meeting last week. I am trying to raise $6,000.00 for the software and hardware upgrades; find a source for lunches; get pamphlets designed, printed, and distributed; and generally get organized to be open for the beginning of January.
We do have a name. "Sanctuary@Knox" is what we're calling it. I am hoping that it appeals to those who will eventually come. I'm trying to emphasize the safe aspect of the program as well as acknowledging that we are a church. It also hints that we are a technology rich learning environment. I am pumped, but I am also finding that the details can get a bit cumbersome. All part of the work. The good part of that is the support from the board and many individual members of this community. I helps me get through the maze of technicalities as well as over the hurdles.
There is also a feeling of wonder that this is happening at the same time as we begin a liturgical year. I think I am going to find increasingly that there is meaning in that.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Labyrinth Walks
Last Friday, a group of kids came from another church here in Calgary to find out about the Labyrinth. Coincidentally, a student from a local college was visiting that afternoon and was seeking more information about the Labyrinth. She asked if she could joins us for the evening walk. She brought along three friends.
Most of the time, when I have walked the Labyrinth, the group has been small. This time, the group was fairly big. As well, I have never been the "leader" when I have done this before. Most of the time, actually, I have walked the labyrinth by myself. I usually am using this walk as a way to calm myself and try to focus inward to find the answers to whatever dilemma I face at the time.
It was really interesting to do this Friday evening. I don't know for sure what kind of experience I expected, but it certainly was not what actually occurred. Perhaps, I was skeptical of whether these kids would find the spirituality in the walk. They certainly did. As well, I was uncertain about the college students and their skepticism. There was none. They were obviously finding this a completely different, but significant experience.
Afterwards, I took them into the sanctuary for debriefing. There was not a lot of discussion, but they were fascinated with the entire building. They felt the different energies of the two rooms (the sanctuary and the labyrinth room). They were fascinated with the organ, the size of the room, the age of the building.
I truly enjoyed the time with them and am now trying to figure out how I can bring our own youth to have a similar experience.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Inclusion
Yesterday's study group centred on the idea that "God is here for everyone." We began by watching an advertising campaign that was initiated by the United Church of Christ (in the U. S.) a couple of years ago. Apparently, the major networks, other than ABC, would not run the ads. They thought they were too controversial. They seem somewhat tame to me.
The first one they produced was one entitled "Steeple." They showed it awhile and then did some research on its. It apparently did not do much for anyone other than those who were already church goers. They then produced one they refer to as "Bouncer." This one appealed to a small group outside of "church goers," but not significantly so. They finally produced the one they refer to as "ejector." This one apparently widened the reception and made an impact on most viewers. It is amazing to me that one has to be so blatant to get a message across. A lesson in communication. (You can see all three by clicking on the title of this posting.)
I have been struggling with trying to find music that will appeal to youths. I have written about this previously. When I find good music that has meaningful lyrics, I try to match it directly to the message of the sermon and the readings of the day. Unfortunately, there are some members who find the music "uncomfortable." They want to keep that warm glow - somewhat soporific in nature - until the end of the service. This music tends to interrupt that feeling. They want me to stop.
I plan on stopping for advent. However, I need to find a way to communicate how our services, as they run now, do NOT include children and youth. We have modified how we leave and introduced re-entry into the congregation at the end of the service.
What used to happen in the service was quite different. We would begin the service with call to order, hymns, and the readings. Then the minister would get up and do "Children's Time." Then the children would leave - never to return until the next week. I loved the stories. I loved that "Children's" time. For me, it was an intro to what the sermon would be like. The stories were cute, poignant, and often gave us an glimpse of the ministers' childhood and sense of humour. It appealed to ma as an adult. It wasn't doing much for the kids. It also bothered me that the kids never re-appeared. I felt we were giving them the message: "We can tolerate you for a little time, but that's about it. We don't have much of a place for you here, so go along and we'll see you next week."
I don't, for a moment, believe that the congregation meant to communicate this message. I just felt strongly that it was being communicated. So one of the first things I asked to modify was when we left.
We try to leave as soon as possible during the service. We usually leave during the first hymn. If there is a baptism, we leave after the baptism - the children need to be there. (The children help bless the new members, they are reminded of their own baptism and what that means, and they present candles to the parents and generally welcome the new members into the church community.) If there is a special presentation (as there was on Remembrance Day), we stay for the presentation and then leave. Once we are gathered in our place within the church (a room adjacent to the sanctuary), I summarize or paraphrase the readings for the day and lead a discussion about what it might mean to the kids. It is interesting to do, as my group ranges from age 4 - 16. Sometimes the discussion is heated, sometimes contradictory, sometimes amazingly spiritual, and always interesting. There has never been a day when the discussion went flat.
I usually ask the participants to think of a way to respond to the readings and the discussion. They each have a journal into which they can draw, write, colour, or whatever. I am surprised at how many of the older children choose to draw.
All the while, I am listening for the section of the service when we go back into the congregation. It is towards the end, after the "prayers of the people," and before the "community news." This is when I usually play the music selection for the week. We walk back into the sanctuary and we share what we (I use "we" to represent both myself and the children) have discussed. Sometimes this is a sharing of the drawings, a short skit, a dance, or me talking. The participants help me decide what form the sharing will be. We finish the community news occurs.
I hope that this symbolically represents to the rest of the congregation that we are also important members of the community. That we understand what is being discussed as well as they do - perhaps on a different level, but we understand. There are times when I think the children understand better than we adults do. For them it comes so quickly.
The music I play never runs over a complete minute. Most of the time it is 30 seconds of music. One time, I played the entire piece because it was more "folky" and there were no electric guitars or heavy metal sounds. All the same, there were complaints. Unfortunately, never to me directly. If they came directly, I could at least enter into discussion about the music. With the messages always being relayed, I never get the opportunity.
I guess the other aspect that bothers me about this is the idea of "comfort." If we truly mean that everyone is welcome, we are going to be welcoming people that might make us "uncomfortable." If I am successful in getting youths to come here to learn, I am hoping that they may also decide to check us out on Sundays and see if our services say anything to them. They will make people "uncomfortable." They will not come in pristine dresses and suits. They will not likely be neatly groomed and smelling of good cologne. They may have tattoos, piercings, leather garments, dirty faces, etc. How will they be received? I don't want to expose these individuals to further alienation. They get enough of it.
We have come to welcome all sexual orientations. We do not act in ageist ways that negate the value of the elder members of the community. We try increasingly more diligently to honour all sexes, socio-economic groups, all marital or coupling statuses, and all cultural groups. Will we be able to accept youth as they are?
The first one they produced was one entitled "Steeple." They showed it awhile and then did some research on its. It apparently did not do much for anyone other than those who were already church goers. They then produced one they refer to as "Bouncer." This one appealed to a small group outside of "church goers," but not significantly so. They finally produced the one they refer to as "ejector." This one apparently widened the reception and made an impact on most viewers. It is amazing to me that one has to be so blatant to get a message across. A lesson in communication. (You can see all three by clicking on the title of this posting.)
I have been struggling with trying to find music that will appeal to youths. I have written about this previously. When I find good music that has meaningful lyrics, I try to match it directly to the message of the sermon and the readings of the day. Unfortunately, there are some members who find the music "uncomfortable." They want to keep that warm glow - somewhat soporific in nature - until the end of the service. This music tends to interrupt that feeling. They want me to stop.
I plan on stopping for advent. However, I need to find a way to communicate how our services, as they run now, do NOT include children and youth. We have modified how we leave and introduced re-entry into the congregation at the end of the service.
What used to happen in the service was quite different. We would begin the service with call to order, hymns, and the readings. Then the minister would get up and do "Children's Time." Then the children would leave - never to return until the next week. I loved the stories. I loved that "Children's" time. For me, it was an intro to what the sermon would be like. The stories were cute, poignant, and often gave us an glimpse of the ministers' childhood and sense of humour. It appealed to ma as an adult. It wasn't doing much for the kids. It also bothered me that the kids never re-appeared. I felt we were giving them the message: "We can tolerate you for a little time, but that's about it. We don't have much of a place for you here, so go along and we'll see you next week."
I don't, for a moment, believe that the congregation meant to communicate this message. I just felt strongly that it was being communicated. So one of the first things I asked to modify was when we left.
We try to leave as soon as possible during the service. We usually leave during the first hymn. If there is a baptism, we leave after the baptism - the children need to be there. (The children help bless the new members, they are reminded of their own baptism and what that means, and they present candles to the parents and generally welcome the new members into the church community.) If there is a special presentation (as there was on Remembrance Day), we stay for the presentation and then leave. Once we are gathered in our place within the church (a room adjacent to the sanctuary), I summarize or paraphrase the readings for the day and lead a discussion about what it might mean to the kids. It is interesting to do, as my group ranges from age 4 - 16. Sometimes the discussion is heated, sometimes contradictory, sometimes amazingly spiritual, and always interesting. There has never been a day when the discussion went flat.
I usually ask the participants to think of a way to respond to the readings and the discussion. They each have a journal into which they can draw, write, colour, or whatever. I am surprised at how many of the older children choose to draw.
All the while, I am listening for the section of the service when we go back into the congregation. It is towards the end, after the "prayers of the people," and before the "community news." This is when I usually play the music selection for the week. We walk back into the sanctuary and we share what we (I use "we" to represent both myself and the children) have discussed. Sometimes this is a sharing of the drawings, a short skit, a dance, or me talking. The participants help me decide what form the sharing will be. We finish the community news occurs.
I hope that this symbolically represents to the rest of the congregation that we are also important members of the community. That we understand what is being discussed as well as they do - perhaps on a different level, but we understand. There are times when I think the children understand better than we adults do. For them it comes so quickly.
The music I play never runs over a complete minute. Most of the time it is 30 seconds of music. One time, I played the entire piece because it was more "folky" and there were no electric guitars or heavy metal sounds. All the same, there were complaints. Unfortunately, never to me directly. If they came directly, I could at least enter into discussion about the music. With the messages always being relayed, I never get the opportunity.
I guess the other aspect that bothers me about this is the idea of "comfort." If we truly mean that everyone is welcome, we are going to be welcoming people that might make us "uncomfortable." If I am successful in getting youths to come here to learn, I am hoping that they may also decide to check us out on Sundays and see if our services say anything to them. They will make people "uncomfortable." They will not come in pristine dresses and suits. They will not likely be neatly groomed and smelling of good cologne. They may have tattoos, piercings, leather garments, dirty faces, etc. How will they be received? I don't want to expose these individuals to further alienation. They get enough of it.
We have come to welcome all sexual orientations. We do not act in ageist ways that negate the value of the elder members of the community. We try increasingly more diligently to honour all sexes, socio-economic groups, all marital or coupling statuses, and all cultural groups. Will we be able to accept youth as they are?
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Justice
Big surprise, but I am involved in a Bible Study with a group of people from church. They are an amazing group. Many of them are older than I and only a couple are younger. What I find is that some of the broadest thinkers are the ones who are older. They destroy my stereotypes! (Darn it!)
Last week we centred our study on Justice as it is represented in the Bible and as it plays a role within the United Church of Canada. I had not realized that the United Church of Canada was actually formed out of this sense that churches must do more than be hearers of the Word, but doers of the Word. I had some vague assumption that it was formed as was the United Church of Christ, in the states - more as a means of joining together of like-minded; but also for convenience. That may be unfair to say that "convenience" had anything to do with it; but growing up in the church felt like convenience was a big part.
In Canada, the like-mindedness focussed on the Justice aspect of our faith. I feel proud to part of that. However, what do we do? Are our actions enough? Are they effective? Where do we focus?
I found last week overwhelming once I started filtering my world through the lens of Justice. There is so much in the world that is unjust. What can I do about it? Where do I begin. Is it adequate to act locally and do what I can within my realm, or do I need to be involved in global justice issues? What if my "solutions" are not the best? When I act locally, I am able to ensure that I stay open-ended - that I don't impose my solution or "fix" on a situation. An example of this would be my planned project for literacy and youth. I am committed to the idea that each participant come with their own goal and that I do not try to impose my value upon their goals. If an individual wants assistance in clarifying his/her goal(s), I am happy to support a process that will do so. However, it still is not my place to impose my learning goals upon them.
In our study session this morning, we looked briefly at the situation in Darfur. One person related how we, as a nation, are capable of providing a solution to what is occurring by offering to take in all those who are suffering and bring them to Canada. My first reaction was to question whether this was the right solution. What makes us think that anyone would want to leave their own land to come to ours? At the same time, the situation is so critical that people might go for anything that got them out of there. The discussion continued by acknowledgeing that we don't possess the collective will to bring everyone here at the great expense and that there would be a huge outcry at the costs while we would likely be able to finance it by simply leaving the GST at the present level or return it to the level it was a year ago.
I admire the thinking of this person to consider that the nation is capable of providing a solution. However, I think we are being over simplistic to think that this might be a desirable or best solution. Are we not simply providing a band aid solution? What are we going to do to provide education so that people can make a living here? What will we do to guarantee that housing is available? How will we assist that many people to become acclimated to our climate and society? I think it sounded so similar to what our government has done with Inuit and other aboriginal peoples in the past that has resulted in huge crises.
On the other hand, am I simply coming up with reasons for avoiding such a change to our social fabric? Bringing in a million individuals from any one culture would drastically change what is presently here. Am I trying to protect that against the concept of being just?
If expend energy on my local project, I have more immediate potential of redirecting strategies when they prove to be less than successful. I can do on-going assessment to ensure that the participants are learning needed skills. I can provide long-term support for the individuals who desire or need it.
I am confident that the individual in our group who suggested the solution presented has the very best of intentions. I don't for a moment believe that there is any other reason than to provide a potential solution to a heart-breaking world problem. I just wonder how we can ensure that we could redirect or modify the plan to promote success in an on-going nature once we moved close to a million people half-way around the world to a completely different society and climate. Or am I making excuses again?
So who am I to wonder?
Last week we centred our study on Justice as it is represented in the Bible and as it plays a role within the United Church of Canada. I had not realized that the United Church of Canada was actually formed out of this sense that churches must do more than be hearers of the Word, but doers of the Word. I had some vague assumption that it was formed as was the United Church of Christ, in the states - more as a means of joining together of like-minded; but also for convenience. That may be unfair to say that "convenience" had anything to do with it; but growing up in the church felt like convenience was a big part.
In Canada, the like-mindedness focussed on the Justice aspect of our faith. I feel proud to part of that. However, what do we do? Are our actions enough? Are they effective? Where do we focus?
I found last week overwhelming once I started filtering my world through the lens of Justice. There is so much in the world that is unjust. What can I do about it? Where do I begin. Is it adequate to act locally and do what I can within my realm, or do I need to be involved in global justice issues? What if my "solutions" are not the best? When I act locally, I am able to ensure that I stay open-ended - that I don't impose my solution or "fix" on a situation. An example of this would be my planned project for literacy and youth. I am committed to the idea that each participant come with their own goal and that I do not try to impose my value upon their goals. If an individual wants assistance in clarifying his/her goal(s), I am happy to support a process that will do so. However, it still is not my place to impose my learning goals upon them.
In our study session this morning, we looked briefly at the situation in Darfur. One person related how we, as a nation, are capable of providing a solution to what is occurring by offering to take in all those who are suffering and bring them to Canada. My first reaction was to question whether this was the right solution. What makes us think that anyone would want to leave their own land to come to ours? At the same time, the situation is so critical that people might go for anything that got them out of there. The discussion continued by acknowledgeing that we don't possess the collective will to bring everyone here at the great expense and that there would be a huge outcry at the costs while we would likely be able to finance it by simply leaving the GST at the present level or return it to the level it was a year ago.
I admire the thinking of this person to consider that the nation is capable of providing a solution. However, I think we are being over simplistic to think that this might be a desirable or best solution. Are we not simply providing a band aid solution? What are we going to do to provide education so that people can make a living here? What will we do to guarantee that housing is available? How will we assist that many people to become acclimated to our climate and society? I think it sounded so similar to what our government has done with Inuit and other aboriginal peoples in the past that has resulted in huge crises.
On the other hand, am I simply coming up with reasons for avoiding such a change to our social fabric? Bringing in a million individuals from any one culture would drastically change what is presently here. Am I trying to protect that against the concept of being just?
If expend energy on my local project, I have more immediate potential of redirecting strategies when they prove to be less than successful. I can do on-going assessment to ensure that the participants are learning needed skills. I can provide long-term support for the individuals who desire or need it.
I am confident that the individual in our group who suggested the solution presented has the very best of intentions. I don't for a moment believe that there is any other reason than to provide a potential solution to a heart-breaking world problem. I just wonder how we can ensure that we could redirect or modify the plan to promote success in an on-going nature once we moved close to a million people half-way around the world to a completely different society and climate. Or am I making excuses again?
So who am I to wonder?
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