More water to wine

Yesterday, we racked the wine (transferred it from one carboy to another), got it off the sludge that is created during fermentation, added some stuff to help stop any further fermentation, and added more stuff that will help trap any "floaties" and will fall to the bottom and create another layer of sludge.

It's all rather symbolic, no? As we do things in our lives to further our spiritual growth, we become aware of the "sludge" in our lives. All the behaviours that make us less than who we might be. When we become aware of that "sludge," we have a choice to either eliminate it from our lives, or let it stay. Children are marvelous in this. They simply decide to eliminate it. As an adult, I find it more difficult. Do I really want to change who I am?

I used to complain that "born-again" Christians all seemed to come back as themselves, with very little change that I could see. They just quoted a lot of scripture, but seemed to lead the same debauched lives that they lead before being "born-again."

I see this process as an opportunity for me to be something different. As I identify the parts of my life that distance me from being the best I can be, I want to either modify those parts to allow my deeper spirituality or eliminate them. In doing so, my life as I have lived it previously must change. So what happens to my social network? What happens to my relationships with family and close friends? What happens to my primary relationship(s)? What happens to my goals? What happens to my previous plans for the future?

It is fascinating that some people see faith as a way to simplify their lives. They look to their religions for simple answers. I see that my faith journey is leading me through more complex questions and explorations. This seems like the opposite!

And, please let me be clear. I would have it no other way. I don't want my faith community to be easy. I want it to help me grow. I want it to be a place where the difficult questions can be examined. I want my faith community to be a place where I can live my beliefs.

Post Election Blues

The day after the election and we discover that a little more than a third of the potential voters bothered to show up and vote. So much for my "responsibility" angle.

It is no wonder that modern depictions of Christ show him as someone who battled with disappointment and rejection. (I'm thinking particularly of Jesus Christ Superstar) If, as is my effort in this "Water to Wine" project, I actually get to where I feel like we have some sure fire strategies for feeling truly filled with the spirit, will I get as frustrated with people even try to do so? If we find ways that really nurture who we are as spiritual beings, share these with others, and they won't even try, will I feel rejected? Will the kids feel that way as well? Am I setting them up for feeling powerless? I sure hope not.

I guess that's where the "faith" angle comes in. Faith is what keeps us going in the face of adversity, rejection, disappointment, and powerless feelings. Perhaps that is my problem...my faith is weak.

I think that is what I felt when one of the kids, this past Sunday, talked about knowing that she wanted to be the best she can be, but that it was hard to be her best in the face of all the influences surrounding her. There's the peer pressure to conform. There are the images of beauty that are presented in various media. There are the acceptable behaviours being advocated in popular dramas and comedies. None of them truly advocate honesty, caring, generosity, non-violence, or nurture. None of them advocate acceptance of ourselves as we are. None seem to say, "Be you!" When honesty is advocated, it seems that it is the cruel honesty that identifies weakness in others rather than the gifts that shine through them. This cold, hard, honesty seems to be used to get others to conform to an image that may be foreign to the person who is getting the "honesty." It reminds me of the song "You gotta be..."

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together

Ok, so it ends with "Love will save the day." All the same, why do we have to be hard, tough, stronger, cool, etc. in order to have love "save the day?" It seems like an oxymoron. Whilst being tough, hard, bold, cool, and stronger; am I also not building walls so thick that love can't possible enter to "save the day?"

I get a different message from my experiences. It is when I make myself vulnerable, when I open myself up to the ambiguous, when I try to see the infinite possibilities and uncertainty that I find truth, love, connection, and peace. Now there's an oxymoron: peaceful uncertainty.

Today must be one of those tired days. My faith is not strong. I'm not feeling very "bad."