Service to others

So what is it about being "in service to others" that nourishes spirit? When I was much younger, I never doubted that doing for others or volunteering to do something that was helpful to others was anything but enhancing to my well-being. Yet something happened over the years of young adulthood that seemed to change that. I really am not at all sure what it was that happened, but I do know that I reached a point where I began to resent anyone's requests of me.

I think it was being involved with a personal growth seminar that reminded me of the benefit to self that giving or doing with others truly is. We were challenged, in this course, to entertain the residents in an institution where many seniors were spending their last days. We didn't know that was the goal until the morning we showed up. We were told to dress as clowns. So a group of about twenty adults, dressed as clowns, spent all day at this seniors hospice engaged in whatever the group or individual wanted to do. I remember just listening to one woman's stories. Her stories were far more entertaining and interesting than anything I could have added to the conversation. I was spellbound as she told one story after another of her voyage across pioneer Canada. Stories about how she and her husband would clear the land, build a home, try to exist farming - it was amazing. I listened for probably over an hour. She then asked if I would sing her a song. One of the very few songs I can play on the guitar is "Four Strong Winds." So that was the song I sang. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she listened. It was as if she had never heard this song before and that it had been written for her. I was in awe. She thanked me at the end. I tried my best to let her know that I was the one who needed to thank her. She had shared so much of her story, of who she was, and had provided my an opportunity to perform the one song I was able to play.

That might be it. The opportunity to share with another is a gift. It was such a gift to listen to her. It seemed to be a gift for her to have someone to talk with or to (though I can't imagine why anyone would not be thrilled to listen to her for hours).

When I first started cooking for Inn From the Cold (when it began at Knox), people would ask me why I would want to commit one Sunday a month to cook for homeless people. I thought the privilege was absolutely the other way around. I felt so lucky that I would be able to cook for a large group of people. I love to cook. I have cooked since I was a young child. I cook for my family. I often get positive feedback, but I also get the "I don't like it, what is it?" when I try something new. I have never had anyone complain about what I have prepared for Inn From the Cold. They are a most appreciative group. So to be able to cook for a large group that I know is going to appreciate the food has always been a pleasure.

At one point, during my stint as an IFTC cook, a friend suggested that I was perpetuating poverty in Calgary because I was cooking for homeless people. It was a difficult concept for me to understand and I tried hard to do so. I think I tried hard, because I thought there must be something wrong with something that provided me with so much fun, pleasure, and feeling of worth. (I think this is a throwback to my New England puritanical up-bringing.) I kept pondering his suggestion, even trying to follow his arguments. In the end, I decided that it was not my act of cooking that perpetuated any poverty. Rather, it was the aspect that homeless people were getting needs filled without government intervention that bothered my friend. If the government didn't have to do anything, then society would come to depend on the good nature of people like myself. Well, I think that societies have always depended, to a certain degree, on people like myself becoming involved with service simply because we will never be able to convince the majority of people that no one should have to go hungry or be homeless. Anyway, my point today is not to argue for government intervention or more charity being performed by everyday citizens.

My real point is that it is a privilege to serve. In serving, I show my gratitude for the bounty I have been provided. In serving, I do more than talk about how the world might be a better place. By serving, I put myself out for someone else - oftentimes without necessarily knowing who that person is. That it feels good should not be a sin. It's like running. It is a healthy thing to do. It also produces endorphines and other chemicals that make you "high." Because it feels good, should we not do it? I wish I still could run like I once did without hurting my knees.

Maybe I shouldn't sing either? Sorry, that's not going to happen! Deriving joy from serving others does not detract from what one does. Nurturing one's spirit should not have to be unpleasant either.

Namaste!

Water to Wine - addendum

As I read the posting, I realized that I did just what I would not want someone to do regarding this project - look at the wine-making as the central part of the project. It is only a symbolic part. The real journey is the one that we each take. The first post simply describes the process in which we engaged to make the "chemistry experiment." It is not the real essence.

If I want this to be in any way spiritual, I better take it seriously for myself.

As I consider the bubbling and churning must that is in the primary fermenter right now, I truly make a connection with myself and what I am looking at within my life. The literacy project is intended to stretch who I am and to see if I can challenge myself to work with the kids that will likely come through the door. No, a better way to say that is that I will challenge myself and that I CAN work with them. I WILL be successful in helping them learn whatever skill they put their minds to. My challenge will be to ensure that the goal is theirs alone - not some goal that I think would be worthy.

The scripture readings yesterday about Lazarus and the challenge to meet Lazarus wherever we find him is truly fitting. Even after death, the "wealthy man" in the story was still deciding what was right for Lazarus. He didn't get the message. It is not up to me to decide what is the right thing for these kids to learn. They have all kinds of experience with others setting their learning goals. That is likely why they are no longer in schools. If they are to be successful - and to OWN that success - they need to set the goals, work at them, and conquer whatever hurdles that are in their way. I offer to support them and guide, when requested.

The other thing that has me churning today is my attendance at the youth ministry institute at Naramata next week. The institute was initially a goal because they offered the sessions on "Godly Play" for the young at our church. As well, there was a session for the grade 5 - 7 age group. Both of these sessions have been cancelled. There certainly are other sessions that I could take, however, these were the two that drove me to make application to go. The costs of going are much higher than the money allowed for a part-time Staff Associate. The thought that the church would fork out that much money for me to go when the targeted sessions are no longer available is ludicrous. So I have decided, with some support from my colleague, not to go. Where the churning comes in is when I think about being in the Okanogan in the fall at, coincidentally, the same time as the wine festival. Wouldn't that have been a lovely time? Well, that is one dilemma that is easily solved. Another time, perhaps.

To be away at the same time as I am trying to establish a potentially new community literacy program also gives reason for question. The timing is NOT right.

I have been trying to set some goals for myself regarding prayer and being in touch with my spiritual self. I don't have a problem doing this or engaging in these behaviours. What is more difficult is talking about them. Particularly with a blog. Fortunately, I don't think very many people read this, so my privacy is not likely compromised. However, I am supposed to be an "intellect." People with their PhD's don't dabble with the spiritual, unless their graduate work is in divinity or ministry. I have no problem internally with my spiritual quest. I wonder why I still have trouble with doing so publicly.

When the second notice came that one of my central sessions at the institute was cancelled, I immediately prayed for some sense of guidance. I have been looking forward to this trip since it was first organized. However, I knew right away that I should change my plans along with the change in programming. I really am feeling that I am more in touch with that aspect of myself. I am also becoming so much more comfortable about my place along the journey. I know that I am not much further along than I was, perhaps twenty years ago. However, I do see that my growth has taken on a new direction and a new energy. When we learned that first prayer, last week, I felt that we were truly making a statement to the congregation that we see God as part of us - or at least I see God as part of me. It is strangely comforting as well as discomforting making that statement public. As I explore the lyrics of Switchfoot, I am further moved along this journey by their understanding or their apparent understanding. I had no resource like this when I was an adolescent. I find it exciting that the resource exists today.

I shall endeavor to remain in the real discussion as we proceed. I welcome your comments and questions!