Continuous Learning

Just in case anyone ever thinks that they might stop learning, I'd like to suggest that you're never too old to learn something. More later!

In case you need some comic relief after reading the following two entries

Click on the title above and this will take you to a site where you can watch a short, but amusing video regarding some of our religious hang-ups.

Karla

When I shared my experiences with Karla on Sunday, I had no idea that I would be meeting someone whose family is going through similar trauma the next day. Yesterday, Kandace came to the church. She was obviously in a state of agitation and worry. She told me that her daughter, Susan, had just been taken into foster care and that she was going into treatment at the end of this week. She was walking by the church and felt driven to come in. She wanted to know if I would pray with her. Who could refuse a request like that? I ask anyone who is reading this to pray for both Kandace & Susan over the next while. They are in pain and their pain will not be subsiding for awhile. They both need as much light, comfort, support and love as God can provide. Let’s share ours with them. In their honour, I share my story of Karla:

There are so many people for whom Karla will remain vividly etched in their memories. Some of my first recollections of her are images of mildly disruptive behaviours in the classroom and more seriously disruptive behaviours in the lunchroom. Karla had been diagnosed ADHD in grade one, and I first met her in grade two. When Karla took her medication, she was pretty attentive and focused in class. By lunchtime, she would forget to take the noontime dose and would disrupt the lunchroom. This would remind US to give her the meds and the afternoon would go fairly well.

At the end of her second grade year, Karla transferred to another school. At the time, I had a conversation with her mother explaining that change was never an easy thing for ADHD kids. I stressed that Karla had pretty well stabilized and set some routines that were helping her, and that her mother would need to ensure that the same routines were established at the new school. Though I had spent more than average time with Karla and her parents, I had pretty well removed her from my consciousness by the beginning of October the next school year.

At the end of November, I received a phone call from a colleague who was the principal at Karla’s new school. She was calling as she had read the file, seen that Karla had experienced some success at our school, and wanted some advice. She then described a child with whom I had obviously never had any contact. The child she described crawled on the floor making animal sounds. This child threw things at her teacher, ran from authorities, swore in front of her classmates, destroyed anything she could get her hands on, and disrupted not only her classroom but the entire school.

Through a process that began that day, we discovered that both of Karla’s parents had developed serious drug issues. Not only were they using drugs purchased illegally on the street, they were using Karla’s ADHD medication, drinking excessively, and were mostly unconscious during Karla’s waking hours. At grade three, Karla was getting up by herself, preparing her own breakfast and lunch, preparing for school, showing up on-time EVERY DAY, and doing her homework every night. She was obviously absorbing what occurred during the classroom while she was there (in spite of her disruptive behaviour) – the only indication of this being the completed homework – mostly correct.

The process resulted in Karla’s father moving out and getting control of his substance abuse. Karla’s mother began a string of unsuccessful rehabilitative processes that took her away from home for weeks at a time. Karla wound up back with us, living with her grandmother, with grandma having legal custody of Karla and her well-being.

During this process, personnel from the two schools met with Karla, her family, and support personnel from the school board and social services. During these meetings, at which Karla never exhibited the behaviours that my colleague described, she apologized to people at her new school for her disruptions and helped plan for her re-entry to our school.

Upon her return, I wish I could say she stabilized and returned to her former behaviour pattern. However, that would be far from the truth. We were, however, able to re-establish our relationship with her and discover the depth of trauma that had occurred in the short time that she was away from us. We were able to connect her to many of the necessary support services she needed to start healing. She tested our relationships constantly and we were relentless in our consistency with her.

One particular example of this consistency regarded promises. I had told her early on in this journey that I would keep any promises I made to her. (Promises were often broken during her parents’ darkest period.) I told her that some promises were the kind she would be happy that I kept and that others would be ones that she would likely wish I broke. We had made an agreement that if she could keep adequate control of her behaviour for a fairly long period of time, remaining in class without disrupting her class, she would be welcome to participate in a special outdoor school program to which we had been invited. I also said that once she had done so, she would be going to the “camp” regardless of any behaviour that ensued after that period of time. However, if she was disruptive or made it impossible for others to learn in class, she would be removed from class and would have to go home for the rest of that day.

Karla was able to control her behaviour for three weeks in a row – the required time for the agreement. In fact, as I wanted to give her some wiggle room, we began this agreement six weeks prior to going to “camp.” She had fulfilled the agreement during the first three weeks. The first day after having fulfilled her obligation, she disrupted the class within the first hour of the day. I called her to the office to explain that one of her grandparents was on the way to pick her up and that she would be going home for the rest of the day. She began a temper tantrum that was amazingly energetic, foul, ear-piercing, and full of crocodile tears. She called me a liar and cursed me for breaking my promises. After she calmed down, I asked her which promises I had broken. She told me that I had promised her that she could go to camp and I was sending her home. I calmly reminded her that I had said nothing about camp in that day's incident. I affirmed that she had fulfilled her agreement about camp and that she was, indeed, going. I also reminded her that I had told her that if she disrupted class, she would be going home. These were separate agreements and one did not have any connection to the other. The only way she would jeopardize the camp agreement would be if she disrupted class on the day of departure and need to be sent home. However, as we were leaving before the beginning of classes that day, I doubted she would be able to sabotage that agreement. By the time that her grandparent had arrived, Karla was calm, went willingly, telling about how this was not going to affect her camp experience. “I fulfilled my agreement. I get to go!” During the following three weeks, Karla disrupted her class two more times, each time going home willingly.

Her mother continues to struggle with her own demons and Karla remains with her grandmother. On her last day of grade 6, she told her teachers and the school personnel that worked with her that she would miss us as we were like family members to her. She gave me a hug that day that I thought would never end.

Damien

So I promised the stories. What I can do here is include some of the details that were eliminated to ensure that we remained in the time frame given me for the service. Some of the details are changed so that the identity of the child is protected.

Damien was soon to be six when I first met him. I met him when his teacher called down to the office to ask me to come to her room because one of her children “was going wild,” standing in the middle of a round table, and kicking at anyone who came near to him. By the time I had arrived, the teacher had all the other children sitting quietly on the floor around her and she was reading a story to them. Damien, having no one near him, was no longer threatening anyone. He looked like he was in pain. While the teacher quietly read the story to the rest of the class, I slowly approached Damien and asked him if he was OK. He responded that he was and I asked him to come down from the table as I didn’t think it was a safe place for him. He told me that he was afraid that he would tip the table over and fall, so I told him that I would help him and catch him if he did fall. As he approached the edge of the table, it did begin to tip, he lost his balance and I caught him. I could feel his body stiffen at my touch so I immediately put him on the floor as safely and gently as I could. By now, the class was watching us, so I knelt down and whispered to him that I would like to talk with him outside the classroom and asked if there was anyone from the class that he wanted to accompany us. He told me that he didn’t have any friends and that it would be OK to come alone.

We went outside the classroom and sat on the floor. I asked him about getting on the table, about being angry, and about what had happened before his teacher gathered everyone on the carpet to read to them. He told me that he was using a coloured pencil when someone told him to give it to them. As he wasn’t finished, he said no. This person grabbed it from him, so Damien hit him. Then the other children started calling the teacher, telling her that Damien was hitting others. He was frightened that he was going to get in trouble so he got on the table and told everyone to get away or he’d kick them.

In this first of many conversations with Damien, I asked him why that situation was probably not a safe one. He could tell me right away that people could get hurt and that it wasn’t safe. He also told me how scared he was, how alone he felt, how unloved and uncared for he thought he was. He thought no one was going to listen to him and that he would be in trouble.

As Damien, his mother, the rest of his family, and I got to know each other better over the ensuing weeks; I discovered that he had been brutally sexually abused by his biological dad. He had also been physically abused by his much older brother. His mother worked 12 – 15 hours a day cleaning homes. If his grandmother was not able to take care of him before and after school, he was left in the care of the older brother who had previously beaten him. Mother had given up on accessing any support for fear that her children would be taken away from her.

All the same, Damien came to school every day well-groomed, well-fed, happy at the beginning of the day, excited about the potential that the school day held for him. Most days this lasted for a short period of time before I was called to come and support him while we tried to extricate him from some violent situation. Immediately after these situations, we would sit on the floor in the hallway outside of his classroom and talk. He would explain how he felt during the conflict and we began processing these conflicts with the other students involved. Through this, he began making friends and building relationships with others. Both he and those involved in the conflicts were willing to learn from what had happened and to forgive what had been seen as transgressions. As time went on, we would end our talks with a hug – no stiffening or tightness, but hugs into which Damien would melt. Sometimes he would cry, sometimes he would thank me.

During one of my last conversations with him, Damien talked about his father. He knew that I was aware of what had happened to him and what his father had done. After telling me that he knew I was aware of what his father had done, he told me that he still missed his father and that he still loved him “even though he was bad to me.” Then he asked me a question that I’ll never forget. He asked me “Is it OK that I miss him and that I still love him?”

So what does this have to do with spirit? What does it have to do with church? One of the readings we had yesterdays was from Mark 10. Verses 13 - 16.

People were bringing little children to him in order that he might touch them; and the disciples spoke sternly to them. But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them,

‘Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.’

And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.

Damien has such a huge capacity for forgiveness. Though so many of the people surrounding him had, in some way, betrayed him and his safety; he continued to love them. He continued to care about them. He was willing to trust others and to share his self with them. I find this amazing and a testament to the beautiful spirit within him.

Preaching? Not so much. Sharing Stories - More like it!

So, I have taken time to contemplate and realize that for me to preach is like me trying to be something I'm not. Now, my family members may disagree with me on this point, but I have to look more carefully at what I do well and who I am.

My goal of trying to demonstrate what we can learn from kids or their importance in a community is no different, but I can do this by sharing anecdotes from my experience. In telling anecdotes, I can share the passion that I feel about kids more genuinely. If I do otherwise I will spend my energy worrying about whether I am preaching well or keeping the attention of those who are listening.

I will also share some of these stories on this blog as we go along. Perhaps readers could provide feedback for me as to whether the anecdotes do their job.

Preaching

So what is preaching? The word has always had a slightly negative connotation to me. Yet I find myself in the situation where I am going to do some - as early as this Sunday. You might guess that I want to make this a positive experience - for those who listen, hear, or are present as well as for myself.

The topic for my foray into preaching will be "children in a faith community." The selections I chose for this week to support what I hope to say come from various sources. The first is from the Gospel of Mark. The second comes from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. The final, and very short one, is from Teilhard de Chardin. So I guess I go from traditional, to new age, to a former Catholic priest and philosopher. Who knew?

My point in what I want to say regards the importance children play in the community of a church or faith group. They are not simply there because their parents want to be part of the church. They are there to teach us, to model for us, to help us clarify who we are, and to integrate with us. They certainly are here to learn as well, but they give much more than they take.

I think that's what has been missing from our work in the past. We have seemed to tolerate kids, but they really haven't had much of an opportunity to share with us.

I need to contemplate this some more. Later....

Born again....why?

I was asked by someone at church to try to make the type bigger or change the background of this page. Apparently, the light type on black is difficult to read. Anyone else find this so? Is this any better?

Yesterday's scripture reading was about Nicodemus and his evening visit to Jesus where Nicodemus was told "no one can see the kingdom of God without being born from above."

We talked about Nicodemus' predicament and how he was basically being told that he would have to shed some of the ideas he had taken on if he wanted to freely experience God and the life that is thought of as the realm of God. There was his role on the council, his role as preserver of the faith and all its rules and restrictions, his role as member of the group who eventually condemned Christ to die.

As we then tried to make this somehow relevant for the kids that were there, it became really obvious that these people really didn't have much to change in their lives. Granted they find there are lots of pressures they face when it comes to being the best they can be, but mostly, they don't have a lot of bad habits. They don't have a lot of preconceived notions about people. They aren't involved in many negative behaviours - even though they certainly observe many and experience peer pressure to engage in some.

So the question might be: Why do they need to be "born from above" or as we have enjoyed expressing it in the latter part of the last century "Born Again?" Maybe the "born again" concept applies more relevantly to people my age or older.

I talked about my experiences in public education and how I worked hard to find acceptable ways to talk about spiritual matters with students. That I had to be very sensitive not to promote one religious experience over another. However, in my new position I have freedom to talk freely about religious beliefs. I shared with them that shedding some of the preconceived notions I had about ministry has been very liberating. That trying to avoid developing such strong opinions may keep them free to continue to grow. I am finding that at present.

At the same time, I don't want to promote the idea that one should ride the fence one's whole life. The middle of the road may be a comfortable place, but I rarely find it a place I want to stay for too long. Sticking one's stick in the sand is a good thing to do once in awhile. (Have I used enough cliches and hackneyed metaphors for one blog?)

In the end, we decided that continuing on our road to wine, that we would continue to do the things that help us be the best we can be. For many of the kids, this meant practicing their talents and making them stronger. As well, sharing their talents with others would help them be stronger in these talents. I really enjoyed listening to them and hearing them express what they could do.

Sanctuary

The committee that acts as an advisory group met last night. It was a time to get some feedback, look at what I'm doing and a time for them to look at and consider my literacy project.

This committee is comprised of the people who were on the search team that hired me for this position as well as the head of the committee in charge of staffing and hiring. They volunteer and we meet once a month. They are extremely dedicated to having the church succeed in meeting the needs of our church and the community it serves. They are also people with whom I have been acquainted for many years, with some of whom I have worked on behalf of the church and with some of whom I have sung in the choir.

I presented my proposal to them because, if they do not support the concept, I truly should question my involvement. They were extremely supportive and asked all the questions that need to be asked if this will ever get off the ground. In essence, it was their questions and the needs they identified that are the real support that this group gives. They helped identify the issues that will keep the project from being a success.

How wonderful it is to work in an environment like this! They look after the well-being, not only of the children and youth we serve, but of the personnel as well. I really feel blessed to be in this environment. I feel that I have been given an opportunity to continue "changing the world."

More as I continue working out the details of this new mission!

God?

I had the pleasure of having lunch with a close friend yesterday. We talked about God. She told me that what bothered her most were people who abdicate their responsibility and accountability in the name of God. She explained that when some of her friends accomplish something, they don't take credit but give it all to God - as a third party not truly integrated with them. When something fails, they also blame God. When they are less that who they can be, they blame God for not supporting them. When they are at their best, they credit God for leading them along the right path.

She also told me that when she is faced with a deep dilemma, she looks inside for guidance and answers. When she does so, she pictures her support network and thinks about the lessons they tried to give and the values they have transferred to her. She sees support from them as well as those who love her (her parents, her sister, cousins, special friends, etc.). She is happy to share the credit and blame with them, but she also says that she is ultimately responsible for the choices she makes and the decisions at which she arrives. She also talked about a scene from the last Harry Potter book where Harry calls upon his family, most of whom are dead, by using some special magic thing he has found. He calls upon them for help and guidance, for support and strength, for the loving energy he needs to accomplish a goal he has set for himself. She said that this was similar to how she looks inside herself to find answers.

I am so glad I listened more fully yesterday and was able to hear her. I shared that I still don't see what she related as being far from my understanding of God. Perhaps she limits this picture to her family and special friends, but I think of a wider sense of support. I think the first time someone shared the meaning of "Namaste" with me, it really clarified my developing understanding of God. The idea that "the divinity in me greets the divinity in you" helped me see God as an integral part of me that is there whether I recognize/acknowledge it or not. God is that divine energy in me that allows me, encourages me, sometimes even drives me to be the best I can be. God is the commonality among all those people my daughter pictures when she looks inside. It is when we are at our best that we provide the strength and guidance that she needs. It is God that helped us do that - not as a way for me to abdicate credit for this, but as a way to acknowledge that I am not alone in all of this. I love it and am proud of myself whenever I am able to accomplish my best. Thanking God is not a minimizing of this, but a celebration.

We also talked about how God and religion are not the same thing. Though religion is supposed to help us reconnect with the divinity that is part of us, it often falls short of that goal. When my friend told me about various incidents that distanced her continually from believing in God, she really related incidents of where religion failed to reconnect but actually increased the distance between her and a relationship with the divinity that is her. Most of these incidents were very hurtful - either to her or to someone for whom she cares deeply. She saw some of these as situations that COULD have been affirming and strengthening for friends, but wound up being situations where her friends became more dependent (or co-dependent) and less assertive.

How do we get the message out that God is not some third party judge that sits on a big marble throne in Washington DC and watches us and plays little games with us? I acknowledge that I once saw God this way. However, that was a long time ago. I would think it is time for us to grow up - even as children - to realize that this image of God might well have served a society that needed an external locus of control to get it to be accountable for everyone.

I want our society to grow up. I want us to realize that we have it within us to love and care for the entire creation and that we have the power to heal the earth, people, and all the rest of nature. For me, it is God that makes this all possible. Am I clear for anyone who reads this or is it still all completely fuzzy?

Post Election Blues

The day after the election and we discover that a little more than a third of the potential voters bothered to show up and vote. So much for my "responsibility" angle.

It is no wonder that modern depictions of Christ show him as someone who battled with disappointment and rejection. (I'm thinking particularly of Jesus Christ Superstar) If, as is my effort in this "Water to Wine" project, I actually get to where I feel like we have some sure fire strategies for feeling truly filled with the spirit, will I get as frustrated with people even try to do so? If we find ways that really nurture who we are as spiritual beings, share these with others, and they won't even try, will I feel rejected? Will the kids feel that way as well? Am I setting them up for feeling powerless? I sure hope not.

I guess that's where the "faith" angle comes in. Faith is what keeps us going in the face of adversity, rejection, disappointment, and powerless feelings. Perhaps that is my problem...my faith is weak.

I think that is what I felt when one of the kids, this past Sunday, talked about knowing that she wanted to be the best she can be, but that it was hard to be her best in the face of all the influences surrounding her. There's the peer pressure to conform. There are the images of beauty that are presented in various media. There are the acceptable behaviours being advocated in popular dramas and comedies. None of them truly advocate honesty, caring, generosity, non-violence, or nurture. None of them advocate acceptance of ourselves as we are. None seem to say, "Be you!" When honesty is advocated, it seems that it is the cruel honesty that identifies weakness in others rather than the gifts that shine through them. This cold, hard, honesty seems to be used to get others to conform to an image that may be foreign to the person who is getting the "honesty." It reminds me of the song "You gotta be..."

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together

Ok, so it ends with "Love will save the day." All the same, why do we have to be hard, tough, stronger, cool, etc. in order to have love "save the day?" It seems like an oxymoron. Whilst being tough, hard, bold, cool, and stronger; am I also not building walls so thick that love can't possible enter to "save the day?"

I get a different message from my experiences. It is when I make myself vulnerable, when I open myself up to the ambiguous, when I try to see the infinite possibilities and uncertainty that I find truth, love, connection, and peace. Now there's an oxymoron: peaceful uncertainty.

Today must be one of those tired days. My faith is not strong. I'm not feeling very "bad."

Happy National Grouch Day!

Can you believe that they have a day for grouches? Apparently, today is the day. Though I am really tired, I do not feel grouchy today.

I'm actually feeling the opposite. I voted on my way in to work today-I had to stop and see a friend in order to wait until 10:00 AM when the polls opened. It was wonderful to be able to spend a little time with my friends, and I exercised my democratic responsibility as well.

Voting is such a privilege! I am amazed at how many people do not see that this privilege is also a responsibility. Often, when I was teaching in schools, students would tell me that their parents never voted. I didn't usually believe them. Then I started asking parents of my students. "Your son tells me that you never vote. I told him that he probably just didn't know when it was that you voted." Then they would actually confirm what their child had said.

• "Oh, I never vote."
• "My vote would never matter. My husband and I would just cancel each other out."
• "All politicians are the same. One is just as bad as another."
• "How would my vote ever matter?"
  
• "Politicians are all a bunch of crooks anyway."
  

and other such incredible statements.

If we don't vote, then we should never complain about what governments do! Maybe that's why I always vote - I like to feel free to complain! I'm pretty sure that isn't the reason I vote. I vote because I want to influence what governments do. This year, I spent some time with one particular candidate to see what that person's thoughts and values were regarding issues that are important to me. That time helped me make a decision about my vote.

When the Bible tells us that God gave us dominion over the world that was created, I don't think that we are being told to dominate nature. I really believe that the Bible is promoting our responsibility to be active and accountable for what happens in our world. We need to try to influence every aspect of what occurs around us to try to make it as good as it can be. We have a responsibility to work together to try to make our part of the world as good as it can be. Some take this further and try to use their influence to make things better where there is obviously a need for something to change. I have a harder time doing that because I am never sure what that change should be. If I start in my own locale, I think I have a better chance of "getting it right."

Being the "best we can be" means that we to be engaged in the world. In becoming wine, I want to be aware of issues that are influenced by my voting. I want to act locally in order that I might influence the global nature of our world.

I just went back through my writing to find out where I explained this "Water to Wine" project that is on-going here at Knox. I can find lots about it, but no explanations. So.....

The Water to Wine Project of Huda Hakawi
On September 23rd, the readings and sermon regarded the Wedding Feast at Cana where the first of Jesus' "miracles" occurred. The wedding that was attended by Jesus, many of the disciples, and his mother Mary, was three days along. (I was amazed that weddings were that long. They apparently continued for over a week!) They ran out of wine. This was a big deal considering the wedding wasn't even half over.

So Mary (remember how your mother was always trying to get you to show off?) looks to her son and tells him that the wine is gone. His response? "So what? This is not MY problem!" Does Mary listen? Of course not. She just tells the servants to do whatever her son tells them to do.

In spite of his effort to try to ignore and not get involved, Jesus tells the servants to take some huge earthen pots over to the well and fill them with water. He then tells one of the servants to take a dipper-full of water over to the wine steward.

Does Jesus make any magic sign over the water? No.
Does he say any special magic words over the wine? No.
Does he even say a prayer, touch the wine, look at the dipper? Nope. Nothing at all.

However, by the time the dipper gets to the wine steward, it contains some of the best wine the steward has ever tasted.

Jesus just used what was lying around. He didn't use "special" jugs. No "Special Well." No magic dipper. Just water from the well. Filled large jugs that were already nearby.

What I have learned from my colleagues here at the church is that "water" is often an analogy (in the Bible) for people. Water signifies people who are going along in their day-to-day existence, not doing anything particularly spiritual or righteous or holy. "Wine" is also an metaphor for our existence when we are "filled with the spirit." (No wonder they call alcohol-based beverages "spirits".)

As the kids and I were discussing this, we were pretty amazed at the idea that water could become wine so rapidly. We wondered if we could go from water to wine is such a short period of time.

Rather than try to do anything in a rush, we decided that we would make some wine and use the time it takes us to make wine to change ourselves from the "water" metaphor to "wine." So we used a wine kit and began on the 30th of September. You can go back on this site of the blog to see what we've been doing to get to where we want to be by the end of the project.

The Power of Prayer

This came to my email this morning. It is a neat story and a reminder of the power of prayer. I don't mean to say that we need to pray for "things" and know that they will come, but that when we pray for the benefit of others, we do a powerful thing.

Isaiah 65:24 "Before they call, I will answer."

This story was written by a doctor who worked in South Africa:

One night I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in spite of all we could do, she died leaving us with a tiny premature baby and a crying two-year-old daughter. We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive, as we had no incubator (we had no electricity to run an incubator ).

We also had no special feeding facilities. Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts. One student midwife went for the box we had for such babies and the cotton wool that the baby would be wrapped in.

Another went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly in distress to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst (rubber perishes easily in tropical climates). "And it is our last hot water bottle!" she exclaimed. As in the West, it is no good crying over spilled milk so in Central Africa it might be considered no good crying over burst water bottles They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest pathways.

"All right," I said, "put the baby as near the fire as you safely can, and sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts. Your job is to keep the baby warm."

The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with any of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle, and that the baby could so easily die if it got chills. I also told them of the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died.

During prayer time, one ten-year old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt conciseness of our African children. "Please, God" she prayed, "send us a water bottle. It'll be no good tomorrow, God, as the baby will be de ad, so please send it this afternoon."

While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added, "And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she'll know You really love her?"

As often with children's prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly say, "Amen". I just did not believe that God could do this. Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything, the Bible says so. But there are limits, aren't there? The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending me a parcel from homeland. I had been in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never, ever received a parcel from home. Anyway, if anyone did send me a parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator!

Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses' training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door.

By the time I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on the veranda, was a large twenty-two pound parcel. I felt tears pricking my eyes. I could not open the parcel alone, so I sent for the orphanage children.

Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot. We folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly. Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard box. From the top, I lifted out brightly colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out. Then there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children looked a little bored. Then came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas - that would make a batch of buns for the weekend Then, as I put my hand in again, I felt the.....could it really be? I grasped it and pulled it out - yes, a brand-new, rubber hot water bottle. I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could. Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out, "If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly too!"

Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully dressed dolly. Her eyes shone! She had never doubted!

Looking up at me, she asked: "Can I go over with you and give this dolly to that little girl, so she'll know that Jesus really loves her?"

That parcel had been on the way for five whole months. Packed up by my former Sunday school class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God's prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator. And one of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child - five months before, in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it "that afternoon."

"Before they call, I will answer" (Isaiah 65:24) This awesome prayer takes less than a minute. When you receive this, say the prayer, that's all you have to do. No strings attached. Just send it on to whomever you want - but do send it on. Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards.

Let's continue praying for one another:

Loving God, I ask you to bless my friends reading this right now. I am asking You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self doubting, release a renewed confidence to work through them. Where there is spiritual stagnation, I ask You to renew them by revealing Your nearness, and by drawing them into greater intimacy with You. Where there is fear, reveal Your love, and release to them Your courage. Bless their finances, give them greater vision, and raise up leaders and friends to support and encourage them. Give each of them discernment to recognize the evil forces around them, and reveal to them the power they have in You to defeat it. I ask you to do these things in Jesus' name.

P.S. Passing this on to anyone you consider a friend will bless you both. Passing this on to one not considered a friend is something Christ would do.

"Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you're not willing to move your feet."

Service to others

So what is it about being "in service to others" that nourishes spirit? When I was much younger, I never doubted that doing for others or volunteering to do something that was helpful to others was anything but enhancing to my well-being. Yet something happened over the years of young adulthood that seemed to change that. I really am not at all sure what it was that happened, but I do know that I reached a point where I began to resent anyone's requests of me.

I think it was being involved with a personal growth seminar that reminded me of the benefit to self that giving or doing with others truly is. We were challenged, in this course, to entertain the residents in an institution where many seniors were spending their last days. We didn't know that was the goal until the morning we showed up. We were told to dress as clowns. So a group of about twenty adults, dressed as clowns, spent all day at this seniors hospice engaged in whatever the group or individual wanted to do. I remember just listening to one woman's stories. Her stories were far more entertaining and interesting than anything I could have added to the conversation. I was spellbound as she told one story after another of her voyage across pioneer Canada. Stories about how she and her husband would clear the land, build a home, try to exist farming - it was amazing. I listened for probably over an hour. She then asked if I would sing her a song. One of the very few songs I can play on the guitar is "Four Strong Winds." So that was the song I sang. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she listened. It was as if she had never heard this song before and that it had been written for her. I was in awe. She thanked me at the end. I tried my best to let her know that I was the one who needed to thank her. She had shared so much of her story, of who she was, and had provided my an opportunity to perform the one song I was able to play.

That might be it. The opportunity to share with another is a gift. It was such a gift to listen to her. It seemed to be a gift for her to have someone to talk with or to (though I can't imagine why anyone would not be thrilled to listen to her for hours).

When I first started cooking for Inn From the Cold (when it began at Knox), people would ask me why I would want to commit one Sunday a month to cook for homeless people. I thought the privilege was absolutely the other way around. I felt so lucky that I would be able to cook for a large group of people. I love to cook. I have cooked since I was a young child. I cook for my family. I often get positive feedback, but I also get the "I don't like it, what is it?" when I try something new. I have never had anyone complain about what I have prepared for Inn From the Cold. They are a most appreciative group. So to be able to cook for a large group that I know is going to appreciate the food has always been a pleasure.

At one point, during my stint as an IFTC cook, a friend suggested that I was perpetuating poverty in Calgary because I was cooking for homeless people. It was a difficult concept for me to understand and I tried hard to do so. I think I tried hard, because I thought there must be something wrong with something that provided me with so much fun, pleasure, and feeling of worth. (I think this is a throwback to my New England puritanical up-bringing.) I kept pondering his suggestion, even trying to follow his arguments. In the end, I decided that it was not my act of cooking that perpetuated any poverty. Rather, it was the aspect that homeless people were getting needs filled without government intervention that bothered my friend. If the government didn't have to do anything, then society would come to depend on the good nature of people like myself. Well, I think that societies have always depended, to a certain degree, on people like myself becoming involved with service simply because we will never be able to convince the majority of people that no one should have to go hungry or be homeless. Anyway, my point today is not to argue for government intervention or more charity being performed by everyday citizens.

My real point is that it is a privilege to serve. In serving, I show my gratitude for the bounty I have been provided. In serving, I do more than talk about how the world might be a better place. By serving, I put myself out for someone else - oftentimes without necessarily knowing who that person is. That it feels good should not be a sin. It's like running. It is a healthy thing to do. It also produces endorphines and other chemicals that make you "high." Because it feels good, should we not do it? I wish I still could run like I once did without hurting my knees.

Maybe I shouldn't sing either? Sorry, that's not going to happen! Deriving joy from serving others does not detract from what one does. Nurturing one's spirit should not have to be unpleasant either.

Namaste!

Junior High School youth film night.

Apparently, the Calgary Presbytery is sponsoring a film night for students in grades 6 - 9 on the 23rd of November. It is located at Woodcliffe United Church in Wildwood in the South West of the city. If there is anyone who would like to go to that, I would be happy to go along with you. I would even drive! (Now this is a big thing for me to volunteer to do as it is a Friday Night and I rarely do work related things on a Friday evening.)

The evening runs from 7 - 11 PM, so it is a bit late for some. Please let me know so that I can know whether we need to get other drivers. (Please ask your parents if they would be willing to drive or if they want to attend.)

Sorry that this is limited to those in grades 6, 7, 8, & 9, but there are other "get-togethers" where we will all be included and those when other age groups will be invited instead of this one.

I am not sure what the films are that will be shown. I will try to get that information as soon as I can and I will pass it along. If you want to see the film that the Youth Council put together to advertise this night, click on the title above.

A funny thing happened @ Starbucks

So I stopped at Starbucks to feed my caffeine addiction yesterday and to generally relax and appreciate the movement of the day and our planet. As I was doing so, someone sitting nearby (a young woman of university age) asked if I would mind discussing something with her as she was preparing for a debate. I'm usually open to that sort of thing. She explained that she was debating the concept of marriage for a university class. She would be taking the standpoint that governments should stay out of the process of regulating marriage. She wanted to know why I had married, what I thought about the institution of marriage, what would I consider as "grounds for divorce," and anything else I wanted to comment. The conversation eventually led to same sex marriage. I explained that I worked at a church that supported the inclusion of everyone in our community - this inclusion also involved sacraments. We certainly did perform legal marriages for same sex couples and we previously had performed same sex covenanting ceremonies for those who wanted to marry spiritually prior to marriage becoming a legal possibility.

It turn out that her college is closely allied with the Alliance Church. She was interested in the idea of full membership of gay & lesbian people, would promote that her church welcomes everyone, but that she would not support the idea of same sex marriage. When I asked if this was a bit conflicting with "welcoming", she went into the "love the sinner, but not the sin" shtick. When I asked about the "sin" aspect, she quoted Paul rather than Leviticus. Apparently the absence of mention of same sex couples makes any joining of such a sin.

As we neared the end of our conversation together, I explained that I think the Bible is rich with symbolism, that it was written so long ago that I try to look deeply inside to understand how the writings can useful in today's world. I told her that I try to go back and compare and contrast my understanding of Christ's message to us with the writings in the Bible. I explained that I truly believe that our make up is part of the miracle that has been created in our existence and that if God truly had such a strong influence on this creation, I can't believe that being Gay or Lesbian could be a sin - nor the love making between adults - whether they be Gay, Lesbian, Straight, trans-gendered, trans-sexual, or whatever. It seemed that she quickly went into an "auto-pilot" kind of reaction that retreated to the "security" of the church, her family, or doctrine. There seemed to be a stop to her own thinking. It was too bad. Things had been interesting up to that point.

I wonder if I do that when I get to a point in discussion where I no longer am sure of myself. I truly hope not. I think it is really ok to try to form a new understanding of an idea. I want my beliefs to be able to withstand close examination. I am ok with the idea that someone may be able to help me understand something in a deeper way.

What think you?

Lifehouse's Life's Everything

I was surfing some of the sites on Blogspot. The link that is attached to the title above will take you to an interesting video on YouTube. I found it very engaging and fascinating. You?

I think it is another example of the power of drama, music and the arts in general as spiritual growth media.

Here are the lyrics....

Everything lyrics

find me here, speak to me
i want to feel you, i need to hear you
you are the light, that is leading me
to the place where i find peace again
you are the strength that keeps me walking
you are the hope that keeps me trusting
you are the life to my soul you are my purpose
you are everything

and how can i stand here with you and not be moved by you
would you tell me how could it be any better than this
you calm the storms, you give me rest, you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart and you take my breath away
would you take me in
would you take me deeper now
'cause you're all i want you are all i need
you are everything
everything

Knox Youth Centre

Though I haven't been commenting for the last couple of days about my "literacy project," I haven't stopped thinking about it. I have actually been trying to network with those I know and then contact those I don't know, but who are presently working in complimentary fields or projects. My excitement builds!

I spoke with the Executive director of the United Way today about the project. She is an amazing person with whom I have worked "complimentarily" when she was still involved in the Calgary Board of Education. She is still very active in public education, but in a very different context. She was not only excited about the project, but will put me in touch with the various agencies whose work I would be supporting through this action. I can become part of the conversations that result in service provision. I thank her so much for her support.

I also had lunch today with a good friend who works with the Calgary Board of Education. He works closely with the board of Trustees as well as the Chief Superintendent. He made some very useful and practical suggestions and still provided lots of encouragement. He's the one who suggested the name "Knox Youth Centre." It makes sense to me. He also knows my strengths as well as my challenges. He knows that someone has to get me out of the big picture and into the details or this will never happen. He helped me see which details needed most attention and how I still need to focus on my nemesis: quantitative research data. His wisdom is so appreciated.

So I am developing a proposal to present - on paper - to the stakeholders, the potential sponsors, my employers, and other interested parties. This step must not be forgotten. Otherwise the space will not be available.

So I am off to do the nitty gritty.

Singing feeds my soul

I mentioned in an early post that music can be a spiritual experience. I am part of a small a capella singing group (The Undertones). We are learning some new music for the fall and then starting on Christmas music. The piece I am finding really feeds me is an arrangement of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. (Click on the title to see and hear a version from YouTube) It is written for a piano accompaniment, but the harmonies and the rest of the arrangement is beautiful without the piano. We have only worked on it for two weeks and I am really loving the experience - so much so that I want to add verses to it and arrange an extended version of the song.

As well, we are beginning the Christmas music. There is an arrangement of an old madrigal - Lullay My Liking - that has been renewed by the King Singers that we are struggling to learn. The arrangement is beautiful, but extremely difficult as it brings in lots of dissonance - not the typical thing for Christmas, but truly fitting for this song. I think, once I can master the part, that I will feel similarly about this song as I do for Hallelujah.

I'm not sure what it is about singing and the music that is so spiritual for me. In this journey from Water to Wine, I figure I should be contemplating in greater depth those activities that seem to "imbue" me more with my sense of who I am as a spiritual being. Perhaps it is the sense of music and what it does to me physically. There are the vibrations of my own voice, but also those of the others who are singing with me. There is that connection to others when we make music together - a sense that we are creating something together that can't be replicated by anyone else - at least not exactly. Our voices are unique and their combined sound is unique. When we take a piece of music and perform it together, we also do it slightly differently each time. This makes each time something special (sometimes in a "not so much" great way...).

Getting lost in a piece of music is also a deep thing for me. I don't mean lost as in "where the heck am I?", but lost in that I cease to be an individual singer, but part of a whole that is only created by the group singing. I feel like I have left my body and combined in some way with the others in a totally non-physical way. It certainly isn't an experience that happens regularly. However, it seems to be happening more often as the group becomes more familiar with each other and we build trust.

We auditioned a new member last evening and the discussion following the audition was new for us. The person auditioning had a great audition. However, we discussed the idea that she might have real difficulty blending with the other voices in the group. This would not be a problem if our goal is to get together and have some fun with the music. If our goal is to have that "getting lost in the music" kind of experience, then we have to reconsider. That experience only happens when the voices blend together as one. I recognize that voices can't literally blend together "as one" when we are singing different parts, but there is that quality of blending where we share the same "shape" of sound. One member was trying to explain this without my use of "getting lost" in the music. I could see that she was having difficulty being understood. I really thought about it on my way home and I think that the "getting lost" analogy is what works for me. There is something magical about that when it happens. I get the sense that we have a common goal, that we have an understanding of each other that goes deeper than what we actually know about each other. There really is a sense for me that it is not my human self that is part of this, but that I have returned to my spiritual self for that time and that the others have done the same. This is why, perhaps, that the trust is such a crucial aspect of the relationship within the group. It is likely why I felt pretty crappy about how the evening ended.

We went on to practice the Lullay piece and it was obvious that we hadn't worked it as much as we needed to. It hurt the trust that we had been building. It's interesting that trust issues become so interwoven with every relationship. It affects the quality of the music experience. I know that I was interrupted in my work on the piece and I needed to return to it. Something happened and it didn't happen. I add this because I want to be clear that I am not blaming "others." I am accepting that I was definitely a "trespasser." I hope that I can be very forgiving of my trespassers for the next two weeks. I want to be forgiven for this trespass! I find that I want to work harder on my music because we seem to be approaching this potentiality for getting lost in the music. I want to do everything I can to nurture this rather than detract from it. I wish I was a better piano player (I am "not so much" any kind of piano player!). I need to find a way to get some help in practicing pieces. I will find the way. It is important to me, so I will find a way.

On to the more mundane. Below is the must today! The specific gravity has changed considerably. We are now at 1.40 (from 1.80). The temperature has changed from just over 15 Celsius to 28 Celsius. The yeast is really gobbling up the sugars! Along with the heat, it is producing alcohol. I just love the process. The entire space now smells like fermentation as well. I wonder how the lunch group will feel about it when they meet in there today. It is a group of businessmen who meet once a week for prayer and fellowship. I hope they don't find the smell too objectionable.

As the must bubbles and churns, I guess my own thoughts have been running along beside it. I am glad!

I am open to comments from any readers. Even though this is targeted to youth, I would welcome some dialogue. Understanding is difficult to achieve in isolation (if not impossible).

Water to Wine - addendum

As I read the posting, I realized that I did just what I would not want someone to do regarding this project - look at the wine-making as the central part of the project. It is only a symbolic part. The real journey is the one that we each take. The first post simply describes the process in which we engaged to make the "chemistry experiment." It is not the real essence.

If I want this to be in any way spiritual, I better take it seriously for myself.

As I consider the bubbling and churning must that is in the primary fermenter right now, I truly make a connection with myself and what I am looking at within my life. The literacy project is intended to stretch who I am and to see if I can challenge myself to work with the kids that will likely come through the door. No, a better way to say that is that I will challenge myself and that I CAN work with them. I WILL be successful in helping them learn whatever skill they put their minds to. My challenge will be to ensure that the goal is theirs alone - not some goal that I think would be worthy.

The scripture readings yesterday about Lazarus and the challenge to meet Lazarus wherever we find him is truly fitting. Even after death, the "wealthy man" in the story was still deciding what was right for Lazarus. He didn't get the message. It is not up to me to decide what is the right thing for these kids to learn. They have all kinds of experience with others setting their learning goals. That is likely why they are no longer in schools. If they are to be successful - and to OWN that success - they need to set the goals, work at them, and conquer whatever hurdles that are in their way. I offer to support them and guide, when requested.

The other thing that has me churning today is my attendance at the youth ministry institute at Naramata next week. The institute was initially a goal because they offered the sessions on "Godly Play" for the young at our church. As well, there was a session for the grade 5 - 7 age group. Both of these sessions have been cancelled. There certainly are other sessions that I could take, however, these were the two that drove me to make application to go. The costs of going are much higher than the money allowed for a part-time Staff Associate. The thought that the church would fork out that much money for me to go when the targeted sessions are no longer available is ludicrous. So I have decided, with some support from my colleague, not to go. Where the churning comes in is when I think about being in the Okanogan in the fall at, coincidentally, the same time as the wine festival. Wouldn't that have been a lovely time? Well, that is one dilemma that is easily solved. Another time, perhaps.

To be away at the same time as I am trying to establish a potentially new community literacy program also gives reason for question. The timing is NOT right.

I have been trying to set some goals for myself regarding prayer and being in touch with my spiritual self. I don't have a problem doing this or engaging in these behaviours. What is more difficult is talking about them. Particularly with a blog. Fortunately, I don't think very many people read this, so my privacy is not likely compromised. However, I am supposed to be an "intellect." People with their PhD's don't dabble with the spiritual, unless their graduate work is in divinity or ministry. I have no problem internally with my spiritual quest. I wonder why I still have trouble with doing so publicly.

When the second notice came that one of my central sessions at the institute was cancelled, I immediately prayed for some sense of guidance. I have been looking forward to this trip since it was first organized. However, I knew right away that I should change my plans along with the change in programming. I really am feeling that I am more in touch with that aspect of myself. I am also becoming so much more comfortable about my place along the journey. I know that I am not much further along than I was, perhaps twenty years ago. However, I do see that my growth has taken on a new direction and a new energy. When we learned that first prayer, last week, I felt that we were truly making a statement to the congregation that we see God as part of us - or at least I see God as part of me. It is strangely comforting as well as discomforting making that statement public. As I explore the lyrics of Switchfoot, I am further moved along this journey by their understanding or their apparent understanding. I had no resource like this when I was an adolescent. I find it exciting that the resource exists today.

I shall endeavor to remain in the real discussion as we proceed. I welcome your comments and questions!

Water to Wine

We began our "Water to Wine" journey last week with a general discussion and planning. We started our journals and learned a prayer. The prayer is a paraphrase of one I learned several years ago while taking a spiritual development course called Miracles & Mountains. The original was:

Beloved Divinity within,
I let you infiltrate every cell of my being.
I think with your mind.
I love with your heart.
I surrender to the highest truth within.

For kids, this seemed a bit cerebral and not as, perhaps, meaningful. I tried something to make it more conducive to the essence of God within.

Loving God,
I know you are inside me.
Please become a part of everything I am.
I want to think with your mind.
I want to love with your heart.
Help me see the truth that I know is inside me.

This felt better. I am open to suggestions.

We continued our journey yesterday with the actual wine making process. Some of the kids had seen the process before. They wound up being a big help for those (particularly the very young) who were totally unfamiliar with what we were doing.

We began talking about the juice itself. We tasted it and determined that it tasted like very sweet and concentrated juice. Though some could get a sense of a wine taste, most of us found it didn't taste much like what we thought wine tastes like.

We put the juice in the primary fermenter (just a big plastic bin that had been sterilized). Then, we added water to raise the level to the 23 litre mark. Then began the Great Bentonite Shake. Bentonite is a mineral that is added to the fermentation process to help with both the fermentation as well as clearing the wine after fermentation. It is basically some dirt (though special) that is added to water to make what I like to call "mud." It is difficult to get it to disperse in the water. This is where we all got a chance to shake it until we got totally tired of doing so. We added what we were able to get dispersed and then I finished the process later, adding it to the must.

Once we had all that, we took a hydrometer reading (for density or specific gravity) and the temperature (to ensure that the yeast would live to start the fermentation) and then added the crushed grapes that came with the kit. They seemed to really get a kick out of this part as the mixture was really thick and gooey.

Then, we added the yeast. I think that the kids were expecting an instant reaction. They were disappointed. I tried to let them know that it would take some time and that today we would know if everything was ok by whether the juice started to bubble and foam.

After the service was over, I added the oak shavings, the rest of the bentonite, and set up a space heater in the room. I was just a bit worried that the room was too cold to allow the yeast to start its work.

This morning I took a photo. As you can see, the bubbling has begun! It looks rather unsavoury, but I am certain everything will continue as it should. As the week progresses, the yeast will continue to consume the sugars in the must and that process will produce heat as well as alcohol. As the hydrometer reading lowers, I will rack the must into a carboy for the next stages.

This project seemed to attract a bit more attention. We had a much larger group yesterday, though some of those attending mentioned that they could not be regular attendees because of other activities they pursue. I will see how that proceeds as we continue. I don't want to exclude anyone because of other commitments. At the same time, I am hoping that we can have some continuity so that we can deepen our process of growth. I assume that is what we are here for.

I was excited by the reaction of the older members of the congregation to the music I played for our part of the service. I used the Switchfoot song "Something More (Augustine's confession)." The story within scripture was the story of Lazarus and the rich man. The lyric seemed appropriate.

Augustine just woke up with a broken heart. All this time, He's never been awake before.
At thirty-one his whole world is a question mark. All this time, he's never been awake before.
Watching dreams that he once had feed the flame inside his head.
In a quiet desperation of the emptiness he says...

"There's got to be something more than what I'm living for. I'm crying out to You."

"There's got to be something more than what I'm living for. I'm crying out to You"

Augustine, all his fears keep falling out. All this time, he's never been awake before.
Finding now his old dreams aren't panning out. All this time, he's never been awake before.
But he's mad to be alive. And he's dying to be met. In a quiet desperation of the emptiness he says...

"There's got to be something more than what I'm living for. I'm crying out to You."

Something more….

"Hey, I give it all away
Nothing I was holding back remains
Hey, I give it all away
Looking for the grace of God today"

"There's got to be something more than what I'm living for. I'm crying out to You"

"There's got to be something more than what I’ve been before. I'm crying out to You"

Several people came to me after the service to tell me how much they enjoyed the music and that the lyric was "so beautiful!"

I love that the world and the universe continues to surprise me!