So I promised the stories. What I can do here is include some of the details that were eliminated to ensure that we remained in the time frame given me for the service. Some of the details are changed so that the identity of the child is protected.
Damien was soon to be six when I first met him. I met him when his teacher called down to the office to ask me to come to her room because one of her children “was going wild,” standing in the middle of a round table, and kicking at anyone who came near to him. By the time I had arrived, the teacher had all the other children sitting quietly on the floor around her and she was reading a story to them. Damien, having no one near him, was no longer threatening anyone. He looked like he was in pain. While the teacher quietly read the story to the rest of the class, I slowly approached Damien and asked him if he was OK. He responded that he was and I asked him to come down from the table as I didn’t think it was a safe place for him. He told me that he was afraid that he would tip the table over and fall, so I told him that I would help him and catch him if he did fall. As he approached the edge of the table, it did begin to tip, he lost his balance and I caught him. I could feel his body stiffen at my touch so I immediately put him on the floor as safely and gently as I could. By now, the class was watching us, so I knelt down and whispered to him that I would like to talk with him outside the classroom and asked if there was anyone from the class that he wanted to accompany us. He told me that he didn’t have any friends and that it would be OK to come alone.
We went outside the classroom and sat on the floor. I asked him about getting on the table, about being angry, and about what had happened before his teacher gathered everyone on the carpet to read to them. He told me that he was using a coloured pencil when someone told him to give it to them. As he wasn’t finished, he said no. This person grabbed it from him, so Damien hit him. Then the other children started calling the teacher, telling her that Damien was hitting others. He was frightened that he was going to get in trouble so he got on the table and told everyone to get away or he’d kick them.
In this first of many conversations with Damien, I asked him why that situation was probably not a safe one. He could tell me right away that people could get hurt and that it wasn’t safe. He also told me how scared he was, how alone he felt, how unloved and uncared for he thought he was. He thought no one was going to listen to him and that he would be in trouble.
As Damien, his mother, the rest of his family, and I got to know each other better over the ensuing weeks; I discovered that he had been brutally sexually abused by his biological dad. He had also been physically abused by his much older brother. His mother worked 12 – 15 hours a day cleaning homes. If his grandmother was not able to take care of him before and after school, he was left in the care of the older brother who had previously beaten him. Mother had given up on accessing any support for fear that her children would be taken away from her.
All the same, Damien came to school every day well-groomed, well-fed, happy at the beginning of the day, excited about the potential that the school day held for him. Most days this lasted for a short period of time before I was called to come and support him while we tried to extricate him from some violent situation. Immediately after these situations, we would sit on the floor in the hallway outside of his classroom and talk. He would explain how he felt during the conflict and we began processing these conflicts with the other students involved. Through this, he began making friends and building relationships with others. Both he and those involved in the conflicts were willing to learn from what had happened and to forgive what had been seen as transgressions. As time went on, we would end our talks with a hug – no stiffening or tightness, but hugs into which Damien would melt. Sometimes he would cry, sometimes he would thank me.
During one of my last conversations with him, Damien talked about his father. He knew that I was aware of what had happened to him and what his father had done. After telling me that he knew I was aware of what his father had done, he told me that he still missed his father and that he still loved him “even though he was bad to me.” Then he asked me a question that I’ll never forget. He asked me “Is it OK that I miss him and that I still love him?”
So what does this have to do with spirit? What does it have to do with church? One of the readings we had yesterdays was from Mark 10. Verses 13 - 16.
People were bringing little children to him in order that he might touch them; and the disciples spoke sternly to them. But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them,
‘Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the
And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.
Damien has such a huge capacity for forgiveness. Though so many of the people surrounding him had, in some way, betrayed him and his safety; he continued to love them. He continued to care about them. He was willing to trust others and to share his self with them. I find this amazing and a testament to the beautiful spirit within him.
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