Water to Wine - addendum

As I read the posting, I realized that I did just what I would not want someone to do regarding this project - look at the wine-making as the central part of the project. It is only a symbolic part. The real journey is the one that we each take. The first post simply describes the process in which we engaged to make the "chemistry experiment." It is not the real essence.

If I want this to be in any way spiritual, I better take it seriously for myself.

As I consider the bubbling and churning must that is in the primary fermenter right now, I truly make a connection with myself and what I am looking at within my life. The literacy project is intended to stretch who I am and to see if I can challenge myself to work with the kids that will likely come through the door. No, a better way to say that is that I will challenge myself and that I CAN work with them. I WILL be successful in helping them learn whatever skill they put their minds to. My challenge will be to ensure that the goal is theirs alone - not some goal that I think would be worthy.

The scripture readings yesterday about Lazarus and the challenge to meet Lazarus wherever we find him is truly fitting. Even after death, the "wealthy man" in the story was still deciding what was right for Lazarus. He didn't get the message. It is not up to me to decide what is the right thing for these kids to learn. They have all kinds of experience with others setting their learning goals. That is likely why they are no longer in schools. If they are to be successful - and to OWN that success - they need to set the goals, work at them, and conquer whatever hurdles that are in their way. I offer to support them and guide, when requested.

The other thing that has me churning today is my attendance at the youth ministry institute at Naramata next week. The institute was initially a goal because they offered the sessions on "Godly Play" for the young at our church. As well, there was a session for the grade 5 - 7 age group. Both of these sessions have been cancelled. There certainly are other sessions that I could take, however, these were the two that drove me to make application to go. The costs of going are much higher than the money allowed for a part-time Staff Associate. The thought that the church would fork out that much money for me to go when the targeted sessions are no longer available is ludicrous. So I have decided, with some support from my colleague, not to go. Where the churning comes in is when I think about being in the Okanogan in the fall at, coincidentally, the same time as the wine festival. Wouldn't that have been a lovely time? Well, that is one dilemma that is easily solved. Another time, perhaps.

To be away at the same time as I am trying to establish a potentially new community literacy program also gives reason for question. The timing is NOT right.

I have been trying to set some goals for myself regarding prayer and being in touch with my spiritual self. I don't have a problem doing this or engaging in these behaviours. What is more difficult is talking about them. Particularly with a blog. Fortunately, I don't think very many people read this, so my privacy is not likely compromised. However, I am supposed to be an "intellect." People with their PhD's don't dabble with the spiritual, unless their graduate work is in divinity or ministry. I have no problem internally with my spiritual quest. I wonder why I still have trouble with doing so publicly.

When the second notice came that one of my central sessions at the institute was cancelled, I immediately prayed for some sense of guidance. I have been looking forward to this trip since it was first organized. However, I knew right away that I should change my plans along with the change in programming. I really am feeling that I am more in touch with that aspect of myself. I am also becoming so much more comfortable about my place along the journey. I know that I am not much further along than I was, perhaps twenty years ago. However, I do see that my growth has taken on a new direction and a new energy. When we learned that first prayer, last week, I felt that we were truly making a statement to the congregation that we see God as part of us - or at least I see God as part of me. It is strangely comforting as well as discomforting making that statement public. As I explore the lyrics of Switchfoot, I am further moved along this journey by their understanding or their apparent understanding. I had no resource like this when I was an adolescent. I find it exciting that the resource exists today.

I shall endeavor to remain in the real discussion as we proceed. I welcome your comments and questions!